Friday, May 25, 2007

The Power Of Friendship

I have been going through a lot lately. Finances are just spindling further down and no matter how hard I work or what I do they keep getting worse. But some of the events of the last few days have led me to believe that hope in this world is most definitely not lost.

I will start from the beginning. I thought I had planned perfectly my move. NOT! I tried to save money by renting a van and only taking what I absolutely needed, because I didn't want to spend a fortune on a U-Haul. Big mistake. HUGE! So I left a bunch of my stuff in my home state. I also left my teenage son there to finish out the last few months of school. I didn't want him to have to change so close to the end of a school year. I planned for a baby sitter, before I left. I transferred through my work. So no job hunting. I rented an apartment site unseen, even making sure it was close enough to my work, because I knew I was going to be taking a taxi for a few months. I had to leave my car. It wouldn't make it down the street, let alone to Florida.

Everything started going wrong bit by bit. The baby sitter I had arranged backed out. They transferred me to the wrong location, not getting a U-Haul made me almost lose everything and not having a car was just plain stupid.

Believe it or not I am a bright person, I just do stupid things. So I eventually found a new baby sitter, who turned out she was pretending to be me. Told people she was me and was working at my job. I found that out after she abandoned me and caused me to lose days at work that I couldn't afford to lose. The job here is not making as much money as I am used to making and expenses here are more then what I am used to, so I kept falling further behind. Locked myself out of my house and my mailbox. Lost the keys at the beach. Oops! I ended up forgetting about a bill, because I couldn't get my mail. An important one. The electricity. There is more, but it just makes me sound like more of an idiot.

Basically it boils down to me getting further behind. Then in steps friends. The ones that everyone in this life should have and keep. One takes me everyday to work and to the new baby sitters. She tries to reject my gas money, but I refuse to allow it. One loaned me the money to turn on the electricity, I had the money the day before, but silly me. I went and bought groceries. Others have offered to send me money, which I rejected. Not because I don't need it, but because it would just make me uncomfortable. Even one amazing person from the blogger sphere tried to help out.

These amazing women are just that... AMAZING! I have had many people in my past pretend to be my friend and take advantage of that friendship. I therefore have been leery in my choices. I am blessed now. Blessed to be surrounded by some of the most amazingly generous women. Not only because they tried to help me financially, but because they have offered themselves. Not their bodies, but their spirits. Their friendship that which is genuine. In a world were people are constantly pushing others out of their way to get to the front, there are truly amazing people out there walking backwards to help the ones being trampled.

Thank You!

This blog is in thanks to the women mentioned as well as the ones not mentioned. But namely for Vixen and Teri for the fact that they are some of the few that walk backwards to stop people from getting trampled.

Thursday, May 17, 2007

At My Wit's End

I am standing on the edge of an abyss, people are pushing me even closer to it. I have reached my limits. Baby sitter's all backed out, Dad can't help, I am going to have to miss work and to top it off if I don't overnight a money order tomorrow I am going to lose all of my stuff. I don't know what to do anymore. Believe me when I say crying doesn't help. And before you ask Teri my dear.. I accept. I tried it on my own and I can't do it anymore. I have reached a time and place in my life where I am giving up hope. I don't even know if I want to write about it anymore. But since I told you this much I might as well tell the entire story.

I used to live in Indiana. I hated it there, things were not going right no matter what I did. SO.. I used my tax refund to move everything I could pack in a van and relocated to Florida. I thought a change of place would make my life better. I was right for awhile, but I ran out of the refund. I transferred with my company, and the money here is less then what I am used to making, to add to the troubles, things here are more expensive. Friends have borrowed money and not returned it, hours have been cut and that doesn't help, car has broke and I put money into it to fix it that I couldn't afford (It is still broke) and babysitters have disappeared or have other plans. I have to miss work tonight because I have no child care. Rather depressed right now. I am open to ideas.

I am sorry.. but I am to upset to even think coherently..

Wednesday, May 16, 2007


I was feeling just a bit on the pissed off side so I decided dig around in my older writings. I ended up finding one of my poems that I wrote years ago and I felt like sharing with you.


Grant Me

Grant me space
Grant me distance
Grant me time
Of least resistance

Grant me joy
Grant me love
Grant me peace
From God above

Grant me dreams
Grant me wishes
Grant me goals
And butterfly kisses

Grant me strength
Grant me a soul
Grant me life
And make me whole

Grant me tears
Grant me friends
Grant me hope
That never ends

Monday, May 14, 2007

Generosity Equals Stupidity

Do you ever do something for someone and wonder in the back of your mind, while doing so, if you should? I do all the time. Not because I wish to be a suspicious person, but because of the fact that in the past someone has always burnt me. Not with fire, naturally, but with unjust acts and lies. My friend Carol whom I have complained about drama with in previous posts, is the cause of this one today. I have been wondering if she has been lying to me. Not once, but numerous times. I had yet to be able to prove it, just something about this woman doesn't add up. But yet, I had faith that she wouldn't screw me over when I agreed to help her when she was in need. Alas I was severely wrong. She came to me on Mother's Day all upset that her boyfriend used their money on something stupid. So now they could not take his mother out for Mother's Day. Fine, I accept that, I would be upset as well. She begged me to let her borrow money that I most definitely could not afford to lend her. I told her specifically that my money was for my storage payment so I wouldn't lose my stuff. I had to pay it today. No if's, No and's, No but's. She swore to me that I would have my money back today. So I let her borrow it. Her next problem is that she doesn't have a way to the bank today. Fine, I get her a ride to the bank. She then calls me and says, "I will go with my friend and be back in an hour." Alarm bells go off. I am not stupid. She is trying to avoid me now. I say, "Please let me take you. I have to have that back today. You know how important it is to me." That doesn't change her mind, she insists on having her friend take her and swears she will be back in an hour with my money. It has now at the time of me writing this post been eight hours and counting.

Why do people always have to lie and connive? There is no reason for it whatsoever. Now I could lose all of my stuff I am supposed to go and get next month over someone lying to me and making me feel sorry for them. My children's baby pictures and things my grandmother left me when she passed away. All of it and more could be gone because one woman lied to me and I was stupid enough to doubt the nagging in the back of my mind and let her. I am so pissed right now. I can't even put into words exactly how I feel. I would scream but it might wake up someone.

I recommend that if you ever get that nagging thought in the back of your mind and you decide ignore it. DON'T. Instincts are usually correct.