Bulletproof

Not just referring to the song "Bulletproof" by La Roux either. But to the meaning behind the words.

I believe it is my new theme song. Most who know me, know how I was hurt so much in the past that I one not only banned men, but I banned sex. Now that I am venturing forth into the dating atmosphere, I have acquired that Bulletproof facade. But is it really a "facade" or have I really became what I have despised in my past? There is such a thing as being too cold. Too jaded. How far is too "Bulletproof"?

I know life has its limitations. Truth is, I am trying to live my life without them. I closeted myself away and lost who I really was in my youth. Where I was admired for my strong exterior, I discovered I was really weak. In the past, not only was I vocal in my opinions, I would make a point to protect them. I started noticing that I would back down, instead of fight for what I believed was right. I took a deeper look into myself and discovered I was full of holes. I leaked away my strength of character. I didn't lose my morals or anything like that. I just lost my essence. At least that is the way I perceive it.

In fighting my way back to who I 0nce was, I have noticed that being tough and strong is considered a weakness. How can this be? I realize there is never a happy medium with things and life it seems, anymore. But on a discovery of finding my inner self again. I have realized that I could trample someone in the process. So as I continue my path of the Bulletproof, I think I need to be more softer. Then again, I am probably just over thinking things. I am good at that. Any suggestions? :o)

Disrespect!

What do you consider disrespectful? Is it different for everyone? Personally I consider someone knowingly doing something to make you uncomfortable disrespectful. Especially around your son. Thankfully, he finally fell asleep and has no idea of what happens behind closed doors. He has no clue because for almost 8 years I was celibate. Never was there a man that entered my home that wasn't either related or that he didn't already know since birth. Until November. Even then, the man he finally met was one that I had known for about 7 years. That man eventually became my roommate.

We have separate bedrooms and here lately separate lives. I actually consider him to be very important in my life and genuinely am fond of him. I consider him one of my closest friends and practically tell him everything like I do my girlfriends. But tonight he pushed my buttons to a breaking point. If I wasn't the mature woman I am today and was the Ghetto Drama Queen I was raised to be, all hell would have broken loose. Thankfully I have grown as a person, because now I am just sitting here foaming at the bit. Instead of beating down a door and yelling that I think he is a disrespectful asshole.

Probably wanting to know what he did by now, huh? Well, I told him before we became roomies that if we bring other people into the apartment to sleep with, that we do it when the other person isn't home. I have been seeing someone and he has only been here once when my roomie was home and that was accidental. He intentionally brought home his (in my opinion) trashy girlfriend. I can call her trashy because she is one of those mind game playing bitches that is cheating on her husband. Feel free to give her another name if you so choose. I am trying to have faith that he isn't in there having sex while I am awake and was cleaning the house. Also, while my son was awake and I was trying to get him to sleep.

So what do you called beyond pissed? So far angry that grinding your teeth while typing up your drama doesn't stop you from wanting to cause a scene? Is there a name for it?

Even angrier because I had a funnier story in the works for tonight.

Only one thing left to say. UGH!!!!!!

Dum Da Dum Dum

My life has never ceased to astound me. It is either so boring I could cry to provide myself with entertainment. Or so dramatic that I could scream just to attempt to scare people away.

I went from not having a date in 7 years to "Oops, I got the men mixed up!" Now don't go thinking that I am trashy and whatnot. I value my body, in that degree. I just was tired of sleeping alone and have decided to try and find someone to change it. As a friend of mine once said. "I don't have a problem being single. It's the celibacy that's a bitch!" If ever there was a woman that shouldn't be single. It is her. In short she reminds me of Carrie on Sex in the City. With the exception that she is a brunette.

Basically, what my mind was trying to talk about, before I teetered off balance, was that I have re-entered the dating world with a vengeance. I was terrified of it before now. I avoided it like it was a plague. Now that I have forced myself to go back into it, it isn't as scary as I imagined it. It is however, quite hilarious. Some men just leave me speechless. Not in a good way. And leaving me speechless is difficult. Just ask anyone who knows me. Making me blush is an even harder job to do.

I found a man that made me blush, not once but twice. Not sure if I like that or not. I am a very, shall we say, strong person. Dominating and vibrant someone once described me. Overpowering personality. Takes a really strong man to put me in my place. My opinions are strong and I don't have a problem telling others about them. I have only met one man that can do it. He is my roommate. I do believe this man I am currently seeing, might be a contender though. He hasn't tried to put me in my place, but he has managed to not run away screaming either. That's a good sign.

Unfortunately, he isn't the only one I am dating. Or should I say thankfully. I am playing the field. I was tied down to my high school honey for years. Then I went on my "I'm not going to date or have sex!" bubble headed years. What bothers me about all of this is, "Is it wrong for anyone to date more then one person at a time?" I know men have done it for years. Some women too. But the more we get into the 2000's the more women act like men. Where once we were considered and reveered to act like ladies, now men are thankful we act like tramps. Are we as women selling ourselves short?

See how my mind wanders? Scary huh?

The Day After....

Well it is the day after Mother's Day. The one day of the year that is and should be celebrated by all Mothers. After all, any true giving and caring mother knows, we worked our butt off. We love it when our kids come in and serve us that silly breakfast in bed. We relish the glitter and glue ridden cards that will dwindle away with time and only been seen in memory books. It is supposed to be our day. Our dinner out, with no dishes. Our day that we know we are loved.

Alas, twas not so for this Drama Queen. I have three boys. Only one contacted me. Now before you say, why weren't you at home with your children, let me give you some background information. My oldest is 23 and lives in Florida. My middle son is 17 and since I would like for him to live to be 18, he lives with his father. My youngest is 7 and he was with his uncle due to the fact that I had to work 15 hours yesterday. Being a single Mom forces you to make sacrifices.

Was really hard to watch other Mothers with their children having a nice lunch or dinner. Knowing that they were able to enjoy their day, while I worked straight through without a break. My kids are worth it though. Yet only my 23 year old bothered to contact me to wish me a Happy Mother's Day. My ex-husband texted me to say, and I quote "Since your son hasn't bothered to ask for the phone to call you. Happy Mother's Day!" Rather decent of him, still makes me want to smack my 17 yr old though.

You would think that my youngest uncle would have said, "Hey kiddo! Let's call your Mom." But that didn't happen either. Instead, his father decided to call me and wake me up this morning. I had to work and was snoozing rather nicely after working very hard yesterday. His lovely present to me was to tell me he thought I was a bad Mother. Probably the rudest awakening I have ever received in my life. He then wonders why I was mad at him and hung up on him. I proceeded to tell him that he is always on the road(he's a trucker) and how the hell would he know. That was my day after.

Can I get a do over? For the day? For yesterday? Hell, for my life?

Texting Manners?

I am positive that if you are one of the few that reads both of my blogs, you can tell I am on a behaviour bash. This time on the texters! (Is that even a legitimate word? Yet?)

Is there an etiquette involving texting? Should one get upset at either vague or non_returned text messages?

I have a certain person in my life that either texts me non stop, (which I enjoy) or that constantly works my nerves. No happy medium at all.

He only makes my nerves raw when he either avoids a direct question, ignores a text completely and skips to the second one or half-ass answers me altogether. Yet when he wants to know something you are expected to answer. Truthfully, it flat out works my nerves.

You ask a question first and it gets ignored, a LOL or a question in return. Is it a personality trait, lack of manners or an on purpose aggravation? Or just plain ol' fashioned rudeness?

It ticked me off so badly today, that I have decided to stop texting him first. At least for awhile. I am even debating on ignoring him when he texts me. I can't ignore him at home, after all he is my roommate. I really want to act like him for an entire week. Basically give him a dose of his own medcine, so to speak. Not sure if he would notice, or even get the hint though.

I am guessing the time for me to be nice to people has passed on by. I would say it is a bittersweet ending to my maturity, but I would be lying. I have always been more bitter than sweet anyways. I guess old habits die hard.

Politically Incorrect???

I am so not talking about the television show. I am referring to people and what they find humorous. I can understand not mocking the handicapped, both mentally and physically. But is there anything wrong with making fun of yourself in a handicapped way? Hence the politically incorrect title above.

Now I have handicapped people in my family and of my acquaintances. I have also, in my opinion dated mentally handicapped men. Probably not genuinely handicapped, but dammit, they sure seemed like something was mentally wrong with them. And that didn't stop me from dating them, well not at first.

I also know that when you are out in public, or even if you just run into someone you know that has either physical or mental limitations, you never make fun of that individual, EVER! So I ask you dear readers. Is it okay to make fun of yourself in a handicapped way? If not, why is it so offensive? The only person you are making fun of during the process is yourself, right?

Curiosity has me wondering. Anyone willing to answer and give their opinions on the above mentioned questions? I am really wanting to know.

Here She Comes Again

I won't even pretend or try to feign like I haven't had any drama to write about in my life. I have had tons. I guess I just got rather disheartened with the lack of readers. Or possibly combine it with the lack of time. I really don't see how I get anything done at all. Of course if I would get off the computer right now I could probably get one task done that needs to be completed. But what's the fun in that?

As we last left each other, I was still being celibate. I was still not dating. I had switched jobs. Hell I have even moved twice since then. I fell in love. I was denied. Alas, I don't think it is in the stars for me. But I have braved the wild road I was afraid to travel for so long. That was mostly the dating one.

What I have discovered while I have been slowly re-entering the dating world, is that men are more like women now. I am wondering if the women are becoming more like men. It is like half the world has had free sex changes. Now I know you think I am kidding on this, but really. Since when did men become so moody, emotional and indecisive. It is like looking at myself in a mirror when I am on a period. Do men think they can corner the market on PMS? I tell ya what boys, you can have PMS, AFTER you bleed out your private hole for a few days and not freak out.

It really is outrageous now. Considering I really haven't dated since High School So I have to admit that my recollection of dates are slim to none. But I am educated and I know how to behave with people around me, and even in public. (Patting myself on the back for being a good girl.) But meeting someone is the really hard part. Men are just down right chickens or way to forward the first time they approach. What happened to the happy medium. Coming up to me and asking me if I like to be on top, is not a pick up line. It's rude.

Oh here's a good one. How about meeting a guy and he says he wants a NO STRINGS ATTACHED relationship? You are tired of not having sex, so you throw caution to the wind and say "What the Hell?" I mean at least you should be getting some. Here's the best part. You have your first intimate encounter and afterwards the man looks at you and says. Let me repeat that. HE SAYS "I feel so guilty. I guess I am an old fashioned guy and not sure I can handle this, no strings thing." Not a joke!!! If I hadn't been sitting I would have fainted. If that wasn't womanish, please correct me on it.

At least he was a nice man. He was honest and didn't play games. For that he gets a few, and I mean only a few brownie points. Be back soon.

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