Bulletproof

Not just referring to the song "Bulletproof" by La Roux either. But to the meaning behind the words.

I believe it is my new theme song. Most who know me, know how I was hurt so much in the past that I one not only banned men, but I banned sex. Now that I am venturing forth into the dating atmosphere, I have acquired that Bulletproof facade. But is it really a "facade" or have I really became what I have despised in my past? There is such a thing as being too cold. Too jaded. How far is too "Bulletproof"?

I know life has its limitations. Truth is, I am trying to live my life without them. I closeted myself away and lost who I really was in my youth. Where I was admired for my strong exterior, I discovered I was really weak. In the past, not only was I vocal in my opinions, I would make a point to protect them. I started noticing that I would back down, instead of fight for what I believed was right. I took a deeper look into myself and discovered I was full of holes. I leaked away my strength of character. I didn't lose my morals or anything like that. I just lost my essence. At least that is the way I perceive it.

In fighting my way back to who I 0nce was, I have noticed that being tough and strong is considered a weakness. How can this be? I realize there is never a happy medium with things and life it seems, anymore. But on a discovery of finding my inner self again. I have realized that I could trample someone in the process. So as I continue my path of the Bulletproof, I think I need to be more softer. Then again, I am probably just over thinking things. I am good at that. Any suggestions? :o)